Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
