how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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