Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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