ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
