Is it normal to miss your booty call?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
