I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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