glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
