Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize