dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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