I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
