I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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