In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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