I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
