Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
