Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
