but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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