So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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