so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
