It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
