put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
