Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
