Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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