we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
