i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
