You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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