I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
