I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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