what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
