Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
