does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
