The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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