i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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