Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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