My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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