Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
