Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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