um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
