I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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