She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
