Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
