in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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