i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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