nut hugger
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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