dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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