this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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