i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
