Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
