Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
