i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
