I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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