sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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