I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
