Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
