I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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