His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
