Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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