I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
