Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
