hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
