im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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