things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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