Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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