oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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