Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
