Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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