ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
