Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
