I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
