Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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