It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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