He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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