You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
