I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
