So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
