Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
