I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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