i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
