I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
