Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
