im holly from the hills drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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