Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
