I bet he comes in French.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
